Tribute to Fatherhood: Celebrities Share their Thoughts (Part 2)

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.
~Author Unknown

They have achieved fame and fortune on a global scale, and the love of millions across the world, and yet what makes life special for them is the love of their children. In an exclusive with Kavita Chhibber celebrities share their thoughts on fatherhood in a special edition on Father’s Day.

For sitar legend Ravi Shankar, whose father was not close to the family at the time of his birth, the void was filled by two men who were as different as chalk and cheese but blessed the young Ravi with a never ending legacy of music and dance. His older brother Uday Shankar a genius of his times, and Baba Allauddin Khan a master musician in many instruments, found a treasure trove of talent in the young Ravi Shankar and filled him to the brim.

“Dada (Uday) was more like a teacher and friend to me in those early years of mine (1930-38). Having our head quarters in Paris and touring all around the world- I learned not only dance, but also all the disciplines of the stage, lights- presentation and life in general. I hardly saw my father in that period, “ recalls Ravi ji. “He was the first person who taught me that our art and cultural heritage was to be revered .He was not a trained dancer and mostly self taught.

He could simply visualize movements while looking at photographs and sculptures and he also had seen folk dances at different festivals and came up with brilliant, original and unique work.

Of course later on he did study art, dance and history of different regions of India. He was also the first person to understand the importance of presentation. In the old days the musicians were supported financially by royalty and had to perform only before royalty. When the time came to perform before the regular audience neither they nor the audience knew how to go about things. Even the legendary musicians did not know how to present themselves before the public, what and how much to talk.

I met Baba Allauddin Khan in Calcutta in 1934 at one of the music festivals. I don’t think I will ever come across a personality like him in this lifetime. He had a band of orphan boys called the Maihar band. He was a genius. He had two sides to him, the sweet loving side and then the Shaivite side where if he saw a student making a mistake his temper was legendary. He was never unkind to good students, but had no patience with the dumber ones. It was amazing to see how he had taught the band so many different instruments. He played the violin brilliantly, but strangely used his right hand for writing and playing most instruments except the violin and sarod. He was also an amazing drummer and if anyone played the tabla badly God help him. It was very strange to see that he was getting upset and beating up his musicians on stage with his bow.

Baba was the only guru I had and I learnt a lot from him. He loved me deeply and had promised my mother to look after me and had adopted me as his second son. He taught me that no doubt today we had to earn money from music since the royalty was no longer there to support us, but music for us is devotion, meditation and prayer and we must always preserve its sanctity.

He was a very simple man, a sadhu. In fact I would be reminded of stories of the sage Durvasa and his temper when I saw baba. He had the same saintliness as well. He was vaishnav most of the time and a shaivate when he was teaching! Baba Allauddin was more of a father figure. He was an awesome personality- I did feel and was deeply touched by his tenderness and love.”

Ravi ji’s life has been nomadic for so many years, and he regrets having missed out a lot of the precious time many fathers get with their children

“Not having experienced my own father’s company and all that which goes with it and being most of the time traveling and performing to make a living, unfortunately I could not give much time to any of my children.

I was right there to deliver my first-born Shubho. Both my wife (Annapurna Devi) and I were very young and inexperienced but we did our best. It was a difficult time as I was learning to be a family man and also trying to make a career for myself. Shubho was a very sweet boy and his mother was the one who taught him music, as I had to go and perform to earn money to keep us all financially stable. It was only when he was in his mid 20’s that Shubho was more with me and I started to teach him. He was more of an introvert unlike my daughters who are absolute firebrands! He was very musical and performed in several concerts with me in USA, Europe and India. Shubho was a very gifted painter, but he also had such a wonderful touch on the sitar and was an amazingly talented composer. He performed on all my tours in the USA, but it was the wonderful music he gave for dancer Viji Parkash’s Indian stage productions that stands out in my mind. He was very creative and had a fantastic voice. If you listen to the cd Tana Mana he has sung a short piece in Khamaj, with Lakshmi Shankar and you can hear the rich timbre of his voice. We did become closer till he unfortunately passed away in 1992.”

Of his older daughter Norah Jones Ravi Shankar says,”Norah or Geetu (born as Geetali Norah Jones Shankar) as I call her was the one I spent the most time with when she was young and enjoyed fatherhood as a normal dad. Until she was 5 years old, I spent a lot of time doing all the normal things, like changing diapers, giving her baths, talking her for strolls, carrying her and baby sitting her whenever her mother was busy. She was a little toddler when I was composing my second concerto and would play around and listen very intently. She was beautiful and was the daughter I always wanted. Then I saw her sporadically until she was ten as her mother and I started to drift apart and they had moved to Dallas. Then I completely lost touch with her until she was 18. This was a very difficult period and I missed her very much. Those 8 years were very difficult and painful. She came back to me when she was 18 and since then it has been such a joy to me. Her mother Sue is also very musical and exposed her to a lot of music. When Norah first sang to me nine years ago, I knew she would be a star. She has that voice which is very unique and touches the listener instantly.”

Anoushka his younger daughter has embraced Sitar like her illustrious father, but the beginning with Anoushka was different. Ravi Shankar was not present at her birth. “Unfortunately it was very different with Anoushka. The first time I saw her she was over two months old. The striking resemblance with Norah was unbelievable. I became a real father to her only when she was 71/2 years old when I married her mother. But what a joy it was to have her as a daughter and a student!

Anoushka started to learn Carnatic music from her mother and her grand mother. When Sukanya suggested that I teach her the Sitar, I was a little apprehensive in the beginning but when I did, I found her to be so unbelievable talented. She would pick up everything I taught her so fast. She is my best student. She is an amazing musician.

Both Norah and Anoushka are multi talented and can master anything they take up. It is so wonderful to watch them together now, as they love each other very much. Even though I lost about eight years with both my daughters, I am trying to make up as much as I can with them.
I do feel in these later years of my life, having these two jewels, my daughters, loving them and being loved by them is a true gift of God!”

Sarod Maestro Ustad Amjad Ali Khan says that while Fathers’ day is a western concept, he remembers his father Ustad Hafiz Ali Khan all the time. “He was my guru and very kind and generous. My only regret is that there was a large age difference between us. I was the youngest and unexpected child to be born to the legendary Ustad Hafiz Ali Khan. My father was 65 years old then. I was treated very lovingly and gently by him.

My father believed in the necessity of preserving the ancient purity of ragas and raginis. He imbibed in me the belief that more than anything else, music was a form of prayer glorifying one’s maker and hence pure music must never be defiled. It is a passion, worship and a way of life and just merely playing good music does not make you a complete musician or a true representative of the tradition. Our tradition is based on spirituality, trust, faith and religion. My father said we should always be the cause of happiness for others and never of sorrow or humiliation. He did encourage me to make my own innovations but only by using the various intricate techniques of bol and taan as my solid base.

But while all the legendary contemporaries of my father had sons who followed in their father’s footsteps, be it Ustad Vilayat Khan, or Birju Maharaj, or Ravi Shankar and Ali Akbar Khan who I consider the heirs to Baba Allauddin Khan, it was not so in my family. Only in our khandaan that space remained empty and I used to see the pain and the longing in my father’s eyes. For some reason my other cousins and siblings could not measure up to my father’s expectations and he had pinned his hopes on me as the one who would carry on the family legacy, so I could not enjoy my childhood. I thank God however that before he passed away he was able to see that I was on my way to fulfilling his hopes and dreams.

I’m happy that my sons Aman and Ayaan don’t have that much of an age difference with me and I was able to fulfill my dream of teaching my sons and before I grew too old of touring with them and to have them perform with me on stage. They know that classical music involves years of practice and prayer, and that while there are other ways of making quick money for those who want short cuts to achieving their goals, it is not for us. By the grace of God Amaan and Ayaan are very hard working boys, compassionate and respectful and my wife and I have always wanted that they become good human beings and represent the true Indian culture by being graceful, humble and gracious and become role models for the young generation.

At the same time we have not forced them to be Sarodiyas and not develop other interests or other areas of their personality. They were asked to sing at the popular television program” Saregama” and I said fine, if you think you want to give it a try go ahead. Till then they had never sung a film song in the house. So they went to Bombay and started recording.

Two years later they themselves realized that their goal was not play back singing, and that first and foremost they are Sarod players. They have had offers for modeling and acting in films. Ayaan is a prolific painter and has held an exhibition of his paintings. My wife and I have never stopped them from experimenting with any thing. We have given them freedom of expression, of religion and music. From childhood they were allowed to listen to any musician they wanted to listen to. There are some musical families where the musicians are fundamentalists in every way.

They were very fortunate that I could give them a lot of time and I was much younger than my father when he started teaching me. I never forced anything on them nor were they punished, as per the stories of strict gurus that one has heard so often. In hindsight I feel that was a very inhuman way of teaching. Amaan and Ayaan came to the US with me for the first time in 1991 when they were 14 and 12, and the gulf war was on. We flew in an aircraft that was totally empty. I was invited by the Asian society, and performed for 4 days and the last item used to be where the three of us played together. I have told them that sarod is not going to bring them instant acclaim and gratification. Their focus should be to work hard and conduct themselves with dignity and humility. Although seeing the kind of noisy discordant sounds they call music that has flooded the music space globally today, if Amaan and Ayaan are classical musicians its nothing to do with me. It’s a miracle of God!

Today they have found their life partners and will be married soon and start a new chapter in their lives. Both the girls are very nice and I’m sure will support them in continuing their musical efforts with the same passion. I have said to them that while we are not greater than others we are different in some way as far as our lives, our dreams are concerned and they must not get side tracked and remain focused on carrying on their legacies.”

For Ustad Imrat Khan, whose father died when he was very young, older brother Ustad Vilayat Khan became the father figure. “I learnt sitar from my brother Vilayat Khan sahib who was a musical genius and is rightly considered the greatest sitar player in the past century. I worked side by side with him for 40 years. I was 8 years younger and he treated me like his son. We practiced together and played together, and did extensive research on gandhar pancham that he became so famous for and together we worked and changed the entire setting of the sitar.

The result of that research is the Vilayat Khani Sitar that you hear today. My brother also encouraged me to learn surbahar so that we could perform duets together. The surbahar was created by my great grandfather and made famous by my grandfather and I am so proud that no other gharana has been able to master both sitar and surbahar like we have.

Bhaiya was like a father figure for me. I worshipped my brother. I would polish his shoes, give him massage, and cater to his every need. As per our tradition and the respect we give our gurus and elders, I always walked a few steps behind him and never spoke in his presence. There were times we would be traveling in a train and he will suddenly remember and teach me a composition right then and there and then two years later, suddenly he will say Imrat remember that taan which I taught you in the train that night? Play it. If I didn’t remember I would be in big trouble!

He would reprimand me and say. you won’t amount to anything you’ll just go through life bumming around! How could you have forgotten? I remember all that with such fondness even though I was getting a scolding. He loved me like a son. We gave many duet performances on sitar and surbahar and received much acclaim.

He was truly the greatest sitar player in the world, and had become very famous at a very young age. We had been playing together since the 50s, and bhaiya loved me so much he would refuse to perform if I wasn’t accompanying him.”

For Imrat Khan his four sons and a daughter were born just when he was on his way to achieving stardom, internationally. Then came the dual responsibility of earning a living and also raising his sons to carry on the tremendous legacy of their forefathers. “Even though I was getting so many concerts, I remember at one time in the early 1970s there was an offer for 20 concerts at a very huge amount per concert but I turned the offer down as I had decided that from October till March I would live in India and teach my sons music. I was not good at PR, and I did not go and ask anyone for giving me a concert to play in. I would stay at home and teach my sons. If they got tired I would quietly go to my room and play for 8 hours non stop. Soon they would be inspired to pick up their instruments and start playing.”

Ustad Imrat Khan laughingly recalled how his sons who were studying in the most prestigious private school made poor grades in everything and even more so in music. “I was really shocked. My sons had been giving concerts on stage and here they were being failed in music! I told the Principal to give them some leeway as they were out a lot but he refused” .

At that point the boys themselves decided to drop out of school to concentrate on music.

“It was a hard decision but they insisted that music was their life, and they just did not have the time to practice as much as they wanted to, being at school from 8 to 5. There were times these poor boys would just come straight from school and start practicing in their school uniforms.’ Today the same school honors his sons with accolades, the Ustad laughs, and Wajahat quietly continued with school and college and got his degree from St Xaviers Bombay.

The boys showed early promise, and a surreal moment came when they confessed that their grand father was appearing in their dreams and teaching them. “ It was when Irshad at the young age of seven picked up my Surbahar a heavy instrument and pulled all the seven notes with one little finger that I realized I was seeing a miracle manifest it self before my eyes. My other son Wajahat, could sing the sargam of any taan sung to him at the tender age of 4-5 years. A very famous singer came to our house and I asked him to sing any taan. He was a bit offended that I could suggest my son could reproduce the sargam from his taans. He started with the simplest and went on to some very complicated ones but Wajahat recognized the notes in every single one of them.’ His son Nishat was barely 4 years old when he played at the Ustad Hafiz Ali Khan Memorial concert and was hailed as a child prodigy. “ Ustad Amjad Ali Khan was kind enough to give him a gold medal for his participation.” The father’s dedication paid off and today all his four sons are accomplished performers and well known. “I bless them and I’m very proud that they have done well. I feel the compromises I made for my own performances and played with them instead for 20 years have been well worth it.”

Ustad Shujaat Khan who is the son of the legendary Ustad Vilayat Khan says that it has been three years since his father passed away and so many memories keep filtering back. “Sometimes it’s something he played, or said. The other day one of his shawls reminded me how fond he was of wearing them, and how he would have a story about the shawl, how it was made, how he got some of the rare ones. I remember the colors, the beauty of the mountains and working on music with my father.”

Shujaat says that while he had a turbulent relationship with his father off and on, because Shujaat wouldn’t toe his line, towards the end of his life Ustad Vilayat Khan was very happy to see his son become one of the forerunners in classical music. “He did say in an interview that he was very proud, not just about the fact that I am a top notch musician, but also that I walked an honorable path and came up the ladder with dignity. Today I choose to remember only the good times. My father never acted moody when he was performing, or hosting guests or meeting people. If he was that way with family, he had the right and it’s a personal matter. I wish people would concentrate on his musical legacy because that should be their business, not his personal life or his family affairs”.

Today being a father himself, Shujaat says with his own children, he is trying not to do what made him rebellious and unhappy. “ I see the same resentment in the sons and students of some other great musicians. The only reason they are still sticking around is because they don’t have the courage to leave and think of a life for themselves. I think the most difficult thing with musicians of my father’s generation was that it was either their way or the highway. I am much more open to discussions, explanations, and questions. I tell my students it’s okay to say, “I don’t understand or agree with this, can you please explain why you are doing this? as long as they don’t try to take advantage of that courtesy extended to them.”

For Shujaat the most painful thing however in the past three years has been the fact that after his father’s death, Vilayat Khan’s contribution to music is being questioned, and that too by people close to his cousin Ustad Shahid Parvez, who has learnt a bulk of his music from Ustad Vilayat Khan. “ I have never been the kind who has gotten into unnecessary bickering or brawls or ever asked anyone for a concert. I have always felt that well brought up children of good gharanas do their work and carry their gharana’s legacy and ALWAYS acknowledge the contribution of their forefathers. Amjad Ali Khan sahib’s sons Aman and Ayaan are the prime example of this. They are extremely respectful, they are hard working and they acknowledge their father and their grandfather each time they present something to the world. That makes them a cut above the rest.

Recently however I have been hearing things constantly that have really saddened me and I felt it was time to set the record straight. Firstly since the past two years across networks and websites fingers are being pointed at Ustad Vilayat Khan’s contribution to the world of Indian classical music. A few days ago my cousin Shahid Parvez’s student and my reject Anwar Khurshid who runs Shahid Bhai’s Toronto music school claimed that there is a stroke pattern and the gayaki ang that has been Shahid Bhai’s creation.

Firstly it’s a well known fact that the particular stroke pattern he mentioned-its management, establishment and its development to its fullest potential was done by my father. The rest of us are just taking it ahead. As for the gayaki ang, show me one recording before my father’s where gayanki ang was played by any one else. Mr. Khurshid is also claiming that the ebony bridge and lot of the structure of the sitar is the contribution of Shahid Bhai. Riki Ram’s son Ajay Sharma is still alive and will corroborate the fact that I have been playing with the ebony bridge on my sitar since I was a kid and Shahid bhai is only a little bit older than me.

For months on end, year after year, Shahid Bhai has sat next to me learning sitar from my father who used to lovingly call him Gunney Bhaiya and treat him as the eldest son. My father helped Shahid Bhai’s family financially and in so many other ways, and not once have I seen him acknowledge Ustad Vilayat Khan’s contribution to his music. He claims his father taught him. Well what did his father play and is there any recording of his father that anyone has ever heard? Okay so for the sake of argument let me accept that he learnt from his father, then can I hear one taan, which doesn’t smack of the fragrance of Ustad Vilayat Khan music or his technique in Shahid Bhai’s rendition?

It is a very poor example that he is setting for the future generations. I already see that in Purbayan Chatterjee, who I would watch because I considered him an important sitarist in the younger generation. First he claims that he is a disciple of Nikhil Bannerjee. He is too young for that, but then he goes ahead and plays all my compositions, sings the songs I popularized and does not acknowledge me. Since when did Nikhil Bannerjee incorporate the gayaki ang in his music? Again Amaan and Ayaan come to mind. Their respect for elders and acknowledgment of the contribution of elders is something others can imbibe.

As a father it has become very important to instill in my own children and students that to carry the legacy of being students or children of a musical family as illustrious as ours is a big responsibility. Do not conduct yourself in a way that fingers are pointed at you. The sacrifices you make, may be a lot in your eyes, but the rewards are also immense.”

For tennis ace Anand Amritraj, holding his only child son Stephen in his arms when he was born was by far the best day of his life. “ My wife Helen will say the same thing. It was a great moment in our life. I had always wanted at least one child and I think at 32 it was the right age to have him, because I can be a dad as well as a friend to him today.”

Anand said parenting in India during his growing years was vastly different than it is today with his own son. “ It was a father son relationship with my dad. He was the bread winner and the head of the family. He went to work and came back and didn’t involve himself much in the day to day decisions about us. That was mom’s department. She was the one who started us off in tennis and would sit with us and supervise our homework. But we would go on some great vacations with our dad. At one point he was based in Mysore and we would visit him. He returned to Madras once we were about 12 or 13 and we were reunited then. Dad was there for us and we could have gone to him for anything but somehow we always ended up asking mom. Now when I look back I realize he was a very strong person, very much of a straight arrow and did everything by the book. He is still the same way even today. Mom was always willing to bend the rules a little bit here and there for us but not dad.” Anand says with Stephen it was entirely different.
“ It was like Stephen had two moms. My relationship with Stephen was much more informal and until he left for Duke University at 18, I was very involved with his life. My day began at 2.45 p.m. when he came back from school. I would feed him and either practice with him for an hour or two or organize a practice for him and take him there. Helen would have dinner waiting and he would eat, do his homework and go to bed. I traveled with him for his tournaments pretty much 90 percent of the time”

When Stephen chose to go to Duke turning down Stanford, Anand took it much worse than wife Helen who encouraged Stephen to go where he wanted. “ These Americans have this whole idea that their kids “ go away” to college and she was better prepared. My contention was why do you have to go “ so far away”? Living in Calabassas, Stanford was far away enough for me, Duke North Carolina was the other end of the world as far as I was concerned. Of course I also had the selfish motive that having been with him all throughout I wanted to see him play college matches instead of reading about it in the papers the next day or having Stephen call me saying, “ Oh dad we won such and such match.” Stephen played the last match which won Duke the ACC championships and it was Stan Smith who called me to tell me Stephen played really well and won the match and everyone was so ecstatic!”, says Anand though he admits that now that Stephen had completed his four years at Duke, he realized it was a good move. “ He has grown up a lot and learned to be on his own so it worked out well, but when he left I was really upset for a long time.”

Today when he looks at fatherhood, Anand says he is proud of the fact that Stephen is a good human being before anything else.” I feel happy when people say he is kind and thoughtful and wishes well for everyone, though I think like my dad he is too much of a straight arrow. I remember going with him for junior matches where the players had to call the lines themselves and he was too much of the softie and would keep giving points to his opponents. I’d get mad that so many balls that I thought were obviously out, he would kindly keep calling them in for his opponent, and I would shake my head in disbelief and tell him he just wasn’t going to win matches that way. But then he’d look at me and say are you sure? I thought it was in, and I couldn’t say anything other than grumble.”

Anand says he is also amazed that his strict disciplinarian mom who would have his brothers and him out of bed by 5.30 a.m. not only bends but breaks rules all over the place for her grandson.” Sometimes I can’t believe it’s the same woman,” he says in disbelief

His message to his son on father’s day? ‘Work harder,’ Anand laughs then adds on a serious note, “ Tennis is a very black and white game and its just getting tougher and tougher to break into the top 100. You work hard the results show that, but at the same time I have told Stephen, that he can play as long as he feels the desire to play. Once he has had his fill, there is so much more he can do, and we will always be there to support him.”

Indian music’s mega star, singer Sonu Nigam echoes Anand Amritraj’s words when he says he has a father son and not a buddy buddy relationship with his father. “ It is a relationship where I have tremendous respect for my father. He is the most honest, dignified and hard working man I have known and a very awesome human being.

Of course he is the one who introduced me to legendary singers like Rafi sahib, Lata ji, Manna ji, Mukesh ji and explained the unique quality of each voice to me. I’m who I’m today because of his guidance and all his hard work has fortunately paid off today.

My father never asked anyone for work for himself but he did ask for me, and I can never forget that. Like all sons I think he is the world’s greatest father, I’m glad that I’m his son and whatever I am today is because of the gift of music that he gave me.